Thankfulness Power Rankings
It’s Thanksgiving, and the League of Leagues has returned to their cozy confines to watch football (and message other general managers about big-time trades).
Every League of Leagues team has something to be thankful for. Some more than others. So without further ado, the …
Thankfulness Power Rankings
1- The Shepherd Goods Choppers are thankful for an easy schedule in football. Having the least points scored against you is a sure way to inspire jealousy amongst league members and make the playoffs.
2- MN Moose Knuckles are thankful for First Round Picks and the hope for a brighter future where the moose becomes un-knuckled next season. Maybe one day we’ll get an erect moose out here on the sprawling greens of the League of Leagues hanging out with the turkeys.
3- The Pullies are thankful for the MN Moose Knuckles being the laughingstock of the League of Leagues, taking the heat off of their pitiful football squad.
4- Wait ‘Til Next Year is thankful for The BamO’s AND the ability to trade draft budget. $130 in NBA is proving to be useful. $130 in MLB is sure to as well. With some luck this season in football, Kyle Ooms is the favorite.
5- Win’s Up Doc is thankful for #1 overall picks in the snake draft. While Justin Fields has been a disappointment fantasy-wise, he has immense dynasty promise after Matt Nagy gets fired today. The real story is Dejounte Murray being one of the very best picks in any draft to date. He, indeed, was ranked far too low. We can’t wait to see how the #1 overall snake pick in baseball turns out for Oatrick.
6- $traight Cash Homie is thankful that the Commish lambasts his trade moves, because it’s been a blessing – not a curse – for his team. Commish is officially wrong, and Jack has made some excellent moves throughout the season to put himself in a better spot.
7- The Ornery Otters are thankful for Jon Taylor, the #1 most desirable non-QB in fantasy football for the next half decade.
8- The Cooper Troopers are thankful for #Hunks, because his two hunks, Evan Mobley and Alperen Sengun, could become (literal) pillars of his NBA team for years to come.
9- Las Cabras are thankful for young wide receivers that nobody else cared about in the snake draft. Mike Williams. Deebo Samuel. Marquise Brown. Even Chase Claypool. This team hit home runs in the football draft. Wait, that’s the wrong analogy for that sport.
10- DTC Porkchop Express is thankful for deep thoughts. Nobody else thinks deeper than Craig McCall in the leagues. All he thinks about is depth, depth, and more depth. He has (by far) the deepest roster in football to date with 13 players in the top-120 keepable range and a 14th not far off. His NBA team has plenty of solid depth as well.
11- The BamO’s are thankful for small forwards. Miles Bridges and Paul George have been revelations for his team. Buddy Hield has been a good depth acquisition along with later picks like Kyle Kuzma and Carmelo Anthony that have formed an excellent NBA squad with his limited resources going into the draft. Nobody knows how he did it.
12- Sporty Strauss is thankful for Wisconsin sports. Packers are good. Bucks won the title. But his fantasy teams are a little bit blasé only anchored a few good cheesehead state players on his team.
BUT WAIT!!! There’s more!
UNTHANKFULNESS POWER RANKINGS
Fantasy sports is about attrition more than anything else. Teams may have a lot to be thankful for, but there is another side to every coin. For each positive, there is a negative, as fantasy sports is not a zero-sum game.
1 to 4- DTC Porkchop Express, Sporty Strauss, Ornery Otters AND Win’s Up Doc are UNTHANKFUL (in the highest degree possible) for being placed in Nolo’s Division, a gauntlet of historic proportions. All teams are decent in both sports, including some of the best teams in each sport. The other two divisions are in rough shape, and Nolo’s is where teams go to die.
5- The Cooper Troopers are UNTHANKFUL for close scoring NFL contests. In one of the strangest quirks in fantasy football history, Coop is 3rd in points scored, 2nd to last in points against and is 3 games under .500. A brutal beat for Cooper’s (now-flaccid) johnson.
6- The Shepherd Goods Choppers are UNTHANKFUL for the ability of the human brain to overthink things. ‘Nuff said. (He’s also just thankful the Timberwolves are .500 and doesn’t care about much else).
7- The MN Moose Knuckles are UNTHANKFUL for Superflex football leagues. The guy who wants rosters to mirror NFL rosters hates Superflex and got burned by the roster format by not ever having a single good quarterback on his team all season.
8- The BamO’s are UNTHANKFUL for broken feet, knocking King Henry the Fifth (Metatarsal) to the curb for the rest of the season.
9- Las Cabras are UNTHANKFUL for NBA shooting guards. D’Angelo Russell. Shai Gilgeous-Alexander. Collin Sexton. James Bouknight. All of these players have been disappoints, but luckily they have Cole Anthony.
10- The Pullies are UNTHANKFUL for Baltimore Ravens running backs. But they’ll be right back in on them next season despite the disappointment, because there’s nothing more ‘Peter pick’ than a Ravens halfback.
11- $traight Cash Homie is UNTHANKFUL for the obesity epidemic in Louisiana.
12- Wait ‘Til Next Year is UNTHANKFUL for the inability to trade for more than $30 of MLB or NBA draft budget, or else he certainly would have
That’s it! I’m thankful for each and every one of you! I love you all, and hope you have an excellent Thanksgiving (and plz make some trades with Cooper who has one day not trapped in the Shot Show).