‘22-’23 PRESEASON POWER RANKINGS
NFL Projected Standings (and Power Rankings)
Cooper Troopers - 15 POINTS
$traight Cash Homie - 12 POINTS
The BamO’s - 10 POINTS
Sporty Strauss - 9 POINTS
Las Cabras - 8 POINTS
DTC Porkchop Express - 7 POINTS
SG Choppers - 6 POINTS
Wait ‘Til Next Year - 5 POINTS
Win’s Up Doc - 4 POINTS
MN Moose Knuckles - 3 POINTS
The Pullies - 2 POINTS
Ornery Otters – 0 POINTS
NBA Projected Standings (and Power Rankings)
Wait ‘Til Next Year - 15 POINTS
SG Choppers - 12 POINTS
Win’s Up Doc - 10 POINTS
The Pullies - 9 POINTS
Cooper Troopers - 8 POINTS
Sporty Strauss - 7 POINTS
Las Cabras - 6 POINTS
MN Moose Knuckles - 5 POINTS
Ornery Otters - 4 POINTS
$traight Cash Homie - 3 POINTS
DTC Porkchop Express - 2 POINTS
The BamO’s - 0 POINTS
MLB Projected Standings (and Power Rankings)
Wait ‘Til Next Year - 15 POINTS
Win’s Up Doc - 12 POINTS
$traight Cash Homie - 10 POINTS
Sporty Strauss - 9 POINTS
Cooper Troopers - 8 POINTS
The Pullies - 7 POINTS
MN Moose Knuckles - 6 POINTS
Ornery Otters - 5 POINTS
The BamO’s - 4 POINTS
DTC Porkchop Express - 3 POINTS
SG Choppers - 2 POINTS
Las Cabras - 0 POINTS
Current Season-Long Power Rankings
Tier 1
1- Wait ’Til Next Year (35 proj.)
2- Cooper Troopers (31 proj.)
Tier 2
3- Win’s Up Doc (26 proj.)
4- $traight Cash Homie (25 proj.)
5- Sporty Strauss (25 proj.)
6- Shepherd Goods Choppers (20 proj.)
7- The Pullies (18 proj.)
8- Las Cabras (14 proj.)
Tier 3
9- Minnesota Moose Knuckles (14 proj.)
10- The BamOs (14 proj.)
11- DTC Porkchop Express (12 proj.)
12- Ornery Otters (9 proj.)
(Tier 1) There’s no doubt about it – Wait ‘Til Next Year (1) is the firm, commanding favorite to win the League of Leagues at the outset of this season season. With an absolutely unreal baseball team that should only get better in the future, and NBA team centered around two young mega- tars and an improving NFL roster, it’s honestly going to be hard for Kyle NOT to win next season.
Right now, somehow his biggest competition is the Cooper Troopers (2) who have yet to prove that they can compete on a weekly (and sport-ly) basis. But the Cooper Troopers have the second best rosters in the league behind Kyle, and if he stays healthy, Coop should cash out this season. He’ll take that. It all starts with football for both of these teams, and it starts in week 1! These two teams start out of the gate playing each other. They will be in the same division, and battles between the two could decide the winner of the League of Leagues and a $4K prize to boot.
(Tier 2) Win’s Up Doc (3) brings a unique blend of teams to the table. With a sub-par NFL team that lacks high-level quarterbacking, his best bet is waiting until the Consolation Tournament to unleash Penis Watson and get 6 points in NFL. Then he could easily win NBA again, and his MLB situation is outstanding too. This doesn’t look like a league-winning situation for Doc this year, but placing 2nd through 4th should be expected of one of the better GMs in the league.
After that is another upstart, $traight Cash Homie (4), who is looking to right the wrongs of the previous season by going from worst to first. That scenario is completely realistic, because his NFL team is great and should give him momentum into the NBA season, especially if he gets off to a hot start. He just needs more luck this season, both in the games themselves and with injuries. Like Oat, he needs to compete in 2 sports whilst perhaps winning the NBA Consolation bracket. Because of the weakness of his NBA team, his upside is capped.
That is not the case for Sporty Strauss (5) who probably should be ranked higher. But there’s a lot of ways for this season to break wrong for Strauss. His NFL team is good not great with Tom Brady showing signs of concern. Strauss is heavily relying on him with limited depth behind. He traded NBA assets and has the last pick of the NBA draft too, which will hurt him in that particular sport. And then his team is simply aging significantly in baseball. He should make the playoffs in all 3 sports if things don’t break terribly, but he’s not expected to dominate any of the 3. So there is inherent volatility in Sporty Strauss’ ranking. He could be much higher. He could be lower.
There should be a mini tier break here. The aforementioned teams all have the pieces to win a championship, but the teams below don’t necessarily. The SG Choppers (6) come next, and they have the best chance to win out of anyone left. NFL is random and, with Jalen Hurts and Patrick Mahomes, the SG Choppers could do anything in that sport. And his NBA team actually looks mightily impressive, especially after trading Chet Holmgren for Ivey/Jabari and a 3rd round pick. The Choppers just have an awful MLB situation, but that could be rectified before that season. If he’s in contention, all he needs to do is trade some future picks and load up for a stretch run in baseball. It’ll be a fascinating situation. Even then, it is still more likely that he his team’s straits will be rectum-fied than rectified.
Next are The Pullies (7), and a similar logic applies. While their NFL team is awful beyond a stellar top-3 players, the rest of their teams are solid but unspectacular. It’s hard to see The Pullies truly competing and its easy to see them falling apart, but somewhere in the middle might be the most likely destination for everyone’s favorite team to shit-bag.
And while The Pullies and Choppers could each finish at last place as well, the remaining teams stand a far likelier shot. Las Cabras (8) probably fancy themselves a contender, but their NFL team is a tad overrated and their MLB team is an abject disaster. It’d be hard for them to truly compete in NBA too, leaving them in a bit of a no-man’s land. Having a good dynasty NFL team could actually turn out to be a curse. If they finish near the top of NFL again, which is certainly possible, they will knock themselves out of tanking competition. Las Cabras might be doomed to be a mid team for the rest of their lives.
(Tier 3)
The following four teams have a chance at last place. The MN Moose Knuckles (9) have decidedly mid-tier teams in every sport. Nothing feels super sexy. They needed NFL picks to simply improve a broken situation. They’ll have two MLB first rounders, but it might be too little too late at that point! The Moose Knuckles NBA squad will tell all. He had to take it 3rd in the Strauss Draft, and it could suffer as a result. A lot of his players are doomed to take a step back this season, and he’s still counting on two straight years of solid health for Joel Embiid to compete. If football goes poorly again this season, the Moose Knuckles might begin to tank and load up for next season with Wemby.
The BamO’s (10) are obviously a candidate for last place. With only 1 pick in the first 4 rounds of the NBA Draft, The BamO’s have an impossible task to rebuild their squad. It’s going to be tough despite having Steph Curry, Paul George and Bam Adebayo. Any season ceiling is capped by that team, despite solid NFL and MLB teams.
DTC Porkchop Express is nexted. While banking on taking Chet Holmgren with his first NBA pick, Craig is putting last place at risk. NFL could be fine, but he lacks the QBs to take a championship home. And MLB is quite awful, as we saw by his last-place finish. This year, the Porkchop Express probably will be quicker to tank for Wemby as well, making them a high likelihood of getting last place if football doesn’t get off to a fast start.
But he has the Ornery Otters to contend with. The Otters aren’t a disaster by any means. There are good players on his NFL squad. There are young studs in NBA. And he won a game in the baseball playoffs this season, but his rosters are just awkwardly constructed and potentially built to lose. He’s more or less punting RB2 in football, focusing on sustainable NFL receiver talent. His NBA team looks quite poor beyond Cade and LaMelo. If those sports don’t go according to plan, an MLB tank is perfectly reasonable and he’d be well-positioned to draft Victor Wemanyama in next year’s draft. This could be the year for the Ornery Otters to set a foundation for the future.